I'm not after fame and fortune

I'm after you.
I have many random scenarios where I think I'd be more content. The first being a Lady or Dutchess, some lower lying Society women who gets to own a country estate. I don't want a castle, but merely a manor house. Again what it is that I will do all day that cements this idealistic life is unclear. The daydream usually ends with my realization that I'd be in the situation as I am in now.
I realize that in these daydreams I often am held up somewhere, be it The Plaza or my estate. I don't want to see anyone, but I still want them to see me. It's a rough life when you want your cake and it eat it as well.

I've decided that I need more make up. I have plenty and usually end up using the same dark eye make up my husband wears on stage. I also want new hair, but I can't decide what. I think my hair suites me, but right now I'm not suiting myself. I like pretty clothes, but tend to again feel most like myself in worn out t shirts and jeans. I wear vans a lot since I take them off a lot too and run around in my socks. I think it's pretty safe for me to not have shoes on backstage or before the show opens. Sometimes I go waltzing around the venue up to the nose bleed section during sound check. Once I stayed out too long and was trapsing around up there, backstage pass on and nothing special on. The two girls were sitting in their seats. They were pretty, long hair young and thin, probably too much eyeliner and a septum pricing. They looked at me like I was crazy and one of them asked, "who are you?"

Merry Christmas from the Family.

Christmas was quite this year. I guess we are finally adults. I still like the excitement of holidays, but being on tour makes it hard. Because we are fortunate I feel that it's expected for us to remember a large amount of people on the holidays. I wouldn't mind this at all if I was some Real Housewife living in a mansion spending my husband's money. I'm not. I'm here in the trenches with him. All I can do is internet shop for people. I can't have rooms full of gifts to wrap, hell I don't even have a room. I feel that people don't understand this, or that they think we're selfish, thoughtless, or cheap.

I also find X hard to shop for. We, in general don't shop. We don't really own a lot of stuff not related to clothing, beauty aids, musical instruments, and electron entertainment devices. We have normal belongings and things from our past in our condo, but with us it's pretty much, us, and Buttons...

Buttons is my husband's teddy bear. He is a small baby blue velour plush bear meant for a newborn. This is the one item that X has kept with him his entire life and even though it would probably be safer at home has gone on every tour with him. When we got married I sort of got custody of Buttons. He lives in my suitcase or carry on if we're flying.  Take a moment to let that soak in. Rock stars equal booze and excess not favorite childhood plushies. Now let this sink in, they are the same as you and I. They just have to hide it better. They have to project the image that they ( or the record label in most cases) thinks is going to sell. Maybe when they're old and on Legends they can confess that they toted around the teddy bear they had been given at birth, but no way is that going to work right here and right now.

I didn't get anything but warm wishes for Christmas. I don't think anyone knows what to buy me anymore. And I don't expect X to really get me anything, since everything I own is already due to that. I am in no way a woman who likes to shop. I like Make up and clothes as much as the next girl, but I also live out of a suitcase and feel guilty for spending on excess.

Baby it's cold outside...

I love you.

somethings happening here...

I find it bizarre that 90% of the people who stumble on this blog do so because I named one of my post after a lyric in a recent Weezer song... I didn't realized that many people goggled that one line... crazy.

Mr.Big - Green Tinted Sixties Minds (unplugged)

This is a song from my childhood that often goes though my head lately. I don't want to die, or really need to hide, since I'm already invisible....

I liked you better before you were naked on the internet.

Smell like I sound I'm lost in a crowd.

I smell puke. I have smelt it all day. The last few days haven't been good. There has been a lot going on and a lot I don't even know if I can formulate into complete thoughts or will into proper pronouns.

X's best friend is Z and pretty much his brother from another mother. Z's dad is a Dr. I'm sure they're proud. Z and X went to school together and Z is pretty much the reason X is in the band. I think Z sees me as a losing battle. At first is wasn't supportive of our relationship and now I think he's sorta if you can't beat them join them. Anywho... I'm telling you all this because Z told me to eat a onion. He swore up and down that onions have medicinal qualities and will cure me from all the ills me. ( is it ills or something more like ales? Aliments?)  And I, being sort of a smartass say, "So can I go to In and Out and get a double double with onions?" NO he said. I need to find a raw onion and eat a whole piece (circle?) of it then drink a lot of water. Sigh... you know I've felt so cruddy and I worry about getting X sick, so I did it. I tried to eat one circle of it and I drank a whole glass of water and half a can of diet coke. It was SO gross! I later told him I did it, half expecting him to laugh and tell me it was a joke. But  he still maintained that I needed to continue it. I don't think It's gonna happen again. In fact I left the onion out in our hotel room and when we came back after dinner it smelt sorta like cat piss in there.

The puke is mine. I cough until I puke when I wake up. I don't always do it as soon as I wake up, the other day I did it in the shower which was nice. This morning I thought I was done, but ended up puking in a cup. That is how I got puke the puke on my jeans that I didn't notice till I had been around other people for half the day.
Go me!