Today I was putting lotion my my feet and legs and as I did so, I started to think. My job as X's wife is only to look pretty. That is pretty much all that is expected of me. The thing is I don't deliver. Not only am I not a strikingly beautiful girl, but I also don't care or try very hard. I've written before about how I don't even get dressed some days. What's the point? I'm not going to be on stage. All I'm going to be is on a bus, in a dressing room/ green room/ backstage area/ possibly not leaving the bus/ hotel ect. It's like a strange video game where you can't break out of the walls. I don't have to see anyone if I don't want to.
The thing that is infuriating/ perplexing is that X loves me. He could have any girl. Well, not any, but plenty of them or one that is much more conventionally pretty than I am. But he doesn't. Not only did he marry me, but he took me on tour with him. I guess sometimes there is something to be said about love. I couldn't outright tell you what it is that keeps X and I together. I couldn't outright tell you what it is that makes this work. I can write 100s of post about how trapped and unhappy I am.
The other day I woke up and stumbled into a store in the early evening hours. It's times like those that I enjoy this. The feeling that I'm on tour, and nobody else here knows what that's like.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
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