It wasn't until years later that I understood. I didn't love travel because I loved Paul. I loved travel because I loved sleeping in a different place every night, feeling like the wide edge of the world was close enough to touch. 

...Obsessed over an adventurous man, but in the end realized she really just wanted the adventure. 

- Glamour May 12- What I Learned From a Seven-Year Road Trip with the Wrong Guy by Sarah McCarry.

“I always tell the girls never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously you never get hurt. If you never get hurt you always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit your friends.”
Penny Lane

If you're scared and walk away

 cause there's no need to feel ashamed,
Yeah we all feel the same.
I fell in love with rock and roll until I found out it was false,
And plastered on a face for me.

Woah, where's you passion, where's your fire tonight,
Woah, I can't believe there's nothing you're willing to hide,
Woah, I want to believe,
I set my body on fire so I could be free.

This is what keeps me here:

This video made me cry. I've been there. 

Am I a feminist icon?

Today I was putting lotion my my feet and legs and as I did so, I started to think. My job as X's wife is only to look pretty. That is pretty much all that is expected of me. The thing is I don't deliver. Not only am I not a strikingly beautiful girl, but I also don't care or try very hard. I've written before about how I don't even get dressed some days. What's the point? I'm not going to be on stage. All I'm going to be is on a bus, in a dressing room/ green room/ backstage area/ possibly not leaving the bus/ hotel ect. It's like a strange video game where you can't break out of the walls. I don't have to see anyone if I don't want to.

The thing that is infuriating/ perplexing is that X loves me. He could have any girl. Well, not any, but plenty of them or one that is much more conventionally pretty than I am. But he doesn't. Not only did he marry me, but he took me on tour with him. I guess sometimes there is something to be said about love. I couldn't outright tell you what it is that keeps X and I together. I couldn't outright tell you what it is that makes this work. I can write 100s of post about how trapped and unhappy I am.

The other day I woke up and stumbled into a  store in the early evening hours. It's times like those that I enjoy this. The feeling that I'm on tour, and nobody else here knows what that's like.