I still don't know how to handle this. They don't teach the elders of a scene how to handle the youth. I guess that's why it's so special when the kids latch on to someone and tell them they've saved their life. It's even more special when that person embraces and it takes them on as a band of misfits. There is no correlation between being able to play an instrument or sing and being able to handle someone else's problems.

It's hard to live in a society where Emo is a dirty word, yet that is what is stalking me at every turn.

“Do you remember all of your audiences?" Marco asks. 
"Not all of them," Celia says. "But I remember the people who look at me the way you do."
"What way might that be?"
"As though they cannot decide if they are afraid of me or they want to kiss me."
" I am not afraid of you," Marco says.” 
― Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus

White knuckles from holding on too tight.

Existing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I feel asleep face down on a dingy greenroom couch today, twice. I had been up for two days straight. Exhausted beyond comprehension, and lets face it, I've left my early 20s and I'm too old for this shit. How do these guys become road warriors and do this for years upon end? Fuck, I'm tired. You know that feeling where you're dead on your feet but you have to keep moving? That is my life. It brings to mind the verse, " If you feel like you're running then you know how we feel." Travel is exhausting and that is all we do.

The first time I woke up I at first thought that Godzilla was in front of me. It was just a venue worker giving me the stink eye. She was probably wondering who the fuck I was and if I was some drunk crazy homeless broad who was passed out next to the spread of bagels and cream cheese. Well, sorta lady.