Monday, August 30, 2010

Every camera every phone All the music that you own Won't change the fact you're all alone

I haven't really had a need to write in here recently. But lately I feel that everyone hates me. To be honest my existence it utterly lonely. I spend too much time online learning how everyone is doing. I get bored and google my husband and find things people are saying that aren't true, or enrage me because they don't know him. I'm very protective of him. I'm sure he doesn't really need this protection, but in general it's nice to have someone in your corner. As I said before I left my job for this,and even though he was already famous when we met, the future is never sure for us. Entrainment is a horrible masochistic business. Once you hit the top you start getting knocked down again. There is just so much about it I hate, and even saying that makes me a horrible person since there are thousands of people out there that want nothing more than fame... I have David Bowie's Fame in my head now. :)

wow that got really off topic to why I logged in. I logged in because I'm tired of feeling like EVERYONE hates me. I just want to cry. I feel so trapped in all of this.  My old friends I either don't trust, or think that I've changed. The fans don't know me at all. I wanted to keep our marriage on the down low. People know he's married. He wears a ring, but they don't know who I am. I did this because I, much like everyone else in the world ( mostly), don't want hate mail. I don't want myspace groups for people who hate me because of my husband.  I don't want to be judged and ripped apart, because to be honest. I didn't go chasing this. I already hate what they do to him. I would prefer the 14 year old girls who use his stage name as their last name on their profile and think that they are in love with him, to the ones who hate. I guess I have a smugness there. I like the idea that they are delusional. - again off topic. So fans- don't want him married. Band- never said it but I know they don't want me here. Friends- sorta all gone away.. Today I did log onto my social networking site to read a comment someone posted to another friend about me. Yes, in plain sight for everyone to see. It's funny when people don't have the common courtesy to have a private conversation. When myspace was popular I would rarely comment people's pages. I felt that was for people who needed to let everyone know that they talk to someone. I am fine with emails or ims. I don't need for you to read my conversation with someone. It pretty much said that I was a groupie slut. Which is funny because I'm married and have never dated a performer before... I was so mad/hurt. It really made me realize how often we think that people aren't human.