Friday, December 30, 2011

“It’s difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you. No one really feels self-confident deep down because it’s an artificial idea. Really, people aren’t that worried about what you’re doing or what you’re saying, so you can drift around the world relatively anonymously: you must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from that idea that people are watching you.”
Russell Brand

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Fight with myself till I'm bleeding

There is this one girl who comments on all my husbands posts. In her head they are BFFs, maybe more idk. She is 6 years younger than we are, red hair and glasses. Looks kinda froggy, large forehead. I looked at her profile only because she comments so much that I'm sorta "oh god" when I see she has once again added her two cents. I don't know if once, at one point, X actually responded to her, and this fueled her delusion. If he hasn't, then I don't really understand her. Why would you insistently respond to a celebrities posts with no response? Insanity? Oh if it was that simple. I'm reading I'm With The Band, Confessions of a Groupie and in the first chapter Pamela DeBarres acts similar to the girls today. She was in love with the Beatles and would write them letters and do what might of been the 1960s version of fanfic with her friends. Write stores about them as the wives/lovers of The Beatles. I'm reading this and thinking, god nothing has changed and nothing ever will. The strange thing is, I never acted like that. I never wrote to a celebrity. I didn't have photos of rock stars in my locker as a teen. I had a mirror and unusual things that I found artistic/strange/interesting.
I have one gift that I refuse to open. It's from my mother and I have no idea what it is. I haven't really figured out why I refuse to open it. Do I think that the spirit of Christmas will live on as long as I have one more gift to open? Do I just not really care what it is? Am I saving it for when I need a pick me up? I'm just not sure. I think right now I feel that I got more than I deserve and perhaps I will never open it. She did ask me if I liked the sweater she got me and I don't recall getting a sweater. The weird thing is it is square, but not really clothes box size. I just don't know what I'm doing, but that should be the theme for my life. lol.