Thursday, February 24, 2011

The sign said long haired freaky people need not apply.

TONIGHT we went to dinner at a Mexican place. It was just X and I. Though our waitress was ok she didn't offer us any free chips and salsa. I noticed the other tables had it. I wanted to say something, but what do you say? I also think our food took a long time getting there. I started this as a way to get out how I feel, not so much as to how we're actually treated in public. She didn't really talk to us, but when I asked for a box she said " yes ma'am" and was super nice to me. I asked X if he tipped, he said he did. I wouldn't over. I know getting annoyed by not receiving complimentary chips and salsa is petty of me, and I know my grandmother would say we bring this upon ourselves, with the black hair dye and tattoos and such. But for fuck sakes it's 2011. I can't believe people still fear us or look down on us. And for fuck sake my husband is a rockstar... I don't know if I've ever said that before. I sorta skirt the issue on here. But in all honestly you've seen his videos on MTV. 

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Desolation Row

Tonight at dinner the hostess INSISTED on showing us the menu and when the guys weren't paying attention she stormed off. I wanted to get her fired. If we don't care to be showed around the menu then shut up and smile. We're tired and hungry and your a self important high school girl who thankfully ( or maybe not) has no idea who we are.

Our waiter is adorable, tight Sammy Hagar blond curls and bright blue eyes. Crush Crush Crush. He calls me ma'am and leans in close to talk to us quietly. I wonder if X can see the lust I feel for this creature. I wonder if this creature knows who we are. I smile and am polite to him. Z fiddles with his smart phone, X busies himself with dumping sweetner into both his and the singer's drinks. The other two are either outside smoking or at the bar.

I see other couples walk in and be seated. I wonder what it's like to be them. What it's like to live here, to go out to eat then return and park your car outside of your home. Go inside and go to sleep surrounded by your things.

I glare at the hostess as she passes. She should be scared of me. Soon she avoids walking near our table. For some reason I am starving lately. X jokes that I'm scavenging when I try to eat his scraps. I'm not sure what is wrong with me, or if there is nothing wrong at all.

I want to take the Waiter home with me. I want to do bad things to him. I want to go back to whereever he live and do whatever he wants. I wonder how old he is.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Cinderella - Gypsy Road

My Gypsy road can't take me home

I'm doing alright. I usually don't write in here when I'm ok. I think sometimes I adapt, or maybe become numb to this. Then other times I either step away from it and see how surreal it is, or I just get too far into my own head. I need to find a medium between the fuck it I'm drunk and the omg I'm in "The Yellow Wallpaper".

X has been pushing the baby card towards me lately. Which is sorta absurd considering our circumstances. I guess it's really a catch 22 because it's not like we can have a child and continue on this way and it's not like I'm willing to stay home. But we are a married couple and we do want kids. Not to mention we aren't getting any younger. X will be 27 this year. I know we still have about 10 years before we become older parents... and maybe with this lifestyle we will have to do that.  The way I see it like this- after this tour they will take some time off, then record. That is plenty of time to have a baby. It's just what happens when they resume the road. I don't want to be a single mom while X goes back out there. I don't want to cooing " There's daddy" to our child in reference to a man in a music video. And X wants to be a dad, so it's not like he really wants that either. When he breaches this subject he implies that he could walk away from this. That his family is what is important to him. I know this is true. As I said before the tattoos and black hair dye can't hide that fact that he had an outstanding childhood and has good parents. Not the mention the fact that his dad refused to be famous due to this. He wanted to protect his family.

I guess if life was easy we would never have any fun...