Monday, February 21, 2011

My Gypsy road can't take me home

I'm doing alright. I usually don't write in here when I'm ok. I think sometimes I adapt, or maybe become numb to this. Then other times I either step away from it and see how surreal it is, or I just get too far into my own head. I need to find a medium between the fuck it I'm drunk and the omg I'm in "The Yellow Wallpaper".

X has been pushing the baby card towards me lately. Which is sorta absurd considering our circumstances. I guess it's really a catch 22 because it's not like we can have a child and continue on this way and it's not like I'm willing to stay home. But we are a married couple and we do want kids. Not to mention we aren't getting any younger. X will be 27 this year. I know we still have about 10 years before we become older parents... and maybe with this lifestyle we will have to do that.  The way I see it like this- after this tour they will take some time off, then record. That is plenty of time to have a baby. It's just what happens when they resume the road. I don't want to be a single mom while X goes back out there. I don't want to cooing " There's daddy" to our child in reference to a man in a music video. And X wants to be a dad, so it's not like he really wants that either. When he breaches this subject he implies that he could walk away from this. That his family is what is important to him. I know this is true. As I said before the tattoos and black hair dye can't hide that fact that he had an outstanding childhood and has good parents. Not the mention the fact that his dad refused to be famous due to this. He wanted to protect his family.

I guess if life was easy we would never have any fun...

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